Here’s the honest to god truth: after over twenty years of devoted (bordering on obsessive) yoga and meditation practice, I am amazed at how much time I still spend criticizing myself, judging others and wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting things, in general. Or, not wanting things. Being mad at how our planet is evolving. I used to hear stories about long-time practitioners who suddenly gave up practice after years and years, and I couldn’t understand how anyone could be so silly. How could you give up after putting so much time in?
I get it now. What use are all the months and months on retreat and pilgrimage and attending hundreds of teachings and classes and conferences? I’ve spent thousands of dollars and many years, cumulatively, in intensive practice situations. I’ve sacrificed steady jobs, long-term relationships and stable housing situations.
And good old ego keeps asking: Why are you wasting your time?